Thursday, April 8, 2010

Geek World's Top Ten Movies That Should NEVER Be Remade!

If you tuned in to todays show we talked all about the plethora of upcoming remakes Hollywood is churning out. Here's a list of the movies that should NEVER get remade:

1. The Wizard of Oz
    Yes it's based on a series of books, and yes it was a remake itself, but there aren't many Hollywood films as quintessential as The Wizard of Oz. Warner Bros. is planning a new franchise based on the books (not an exact remake of the film) to replace Harry Potter, but I really hope they don't. This one IS SACRED!!

2. Citizen Kane
    Considered one of the greatest (if not the greatest) films of all time, the brave, scathing, ingenious freshman film from Orson Welles couldn't be better (and no director today could make it better). Also William Randolph Hearst is long dead, so there would be no point, and I really don't need an re-imagining called Citizen Murdoch!!

3. Star Wars
 The best fantasy movie that looks like a sci-fi movie. The first Blockbuster. Millions of rabid fans too this day, trying to remake this would be like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets...It wouldn't end well.

4. First Blood
Sly's 2nd best film performance after Rocky, this movie was all about the aftermath of the Vietnam War, both psychologically and culturally on not only the soldiers, but on America itself. As bad as it is in the Middle East right now, you couldn't remake this today in a way that would have the same gravity of this classic 70's Action/Drama.

5. A Clockwork Orange
There will never be another Stanley Kubrick, and Malcolm McDowell's performance as Alex is a perfect example of an actor being born to play a part. Though there are themes that could be updated to fit today such as state-run psychological conditioning for criminals and a dystopian future ravaged by ruthless teen gangs, it would be like trying to improve fire, what's the point?

6. Blade Runner
Could they make the story clearer? Sure! Would it have the same geek mystique if you did? Probably not. Ridely Scott's Neo-punk Noir influenced most of the sci-fi that came out after it bombed at the box office (but became a cult hit on video), and showed everyone how hardcore and artistic sci-fi could be.

7. The Exorcist
Look up the word "Wrong" in the dictionary and you'll find this movie (and I completely mean that as a compliment!). It couldn't be scarier, or more disturbing, this movie is like watching a natural disaster unfold on live TV... It's painfully shocking but entirely engrossing!

8. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (and Bogus Journey)
We would love a sequel to this where Bill and Ted (played by Keanu Reeves and Alex Winters) have 2 sons that go on misadventures in their papa's Tardis...uhm I mean Phone Booth Time Machine. A remake however would destroy the 80's drug free slacker fun of two airheads from the Valley trying to complete their history project in time (by traveling through time) to save the future they...uhm... save!

9. The Silence of the Lambs
Jonathan Demme's masterpiece is flat out the best serial killer movie ever made (but hey Se7en and Zodiac, your cool too). Jodie Foster's Clarice Starling is the perfect female role model, tough, determined, smart, yet in the final scene in the darkness of Buffalo Bill's basement of horrors, your heroine becomes just as vulnerable as every other victim in the film (good thing for her she wasn't "a great big fat person"), and though you see through the killers eyes you feel like your in Clarice's shoes. That's not even mentioning Anthony Hopkins career making role as Hannibal Lecter, a role so great it sprung a francise (not a great one but hey). This movie is almost perfect. Instead of remaking this, why not just spend your time reinventing that wheel thing, talk about an imperfect invention!!!

10. E.T.
There was a time an alien could be cool and not have to kill things or turn into a Chevy, they just simply had too resurrect a class room of dead frogs and fly a bicycle over the moon. That time is over. These are cynic postmodern times, the idea of true innocence is gone and has been replaced with prepackaged demographically approved hogwash. Even the original film makers needlessly messed with this movie when they rereleased it, turning E.T. into a distranctingly bad CGI thing. The brilliant optimism of early 80's Spielberg coupled with an amazing performance by quite possibly the best child actor who has ever lived (yeah Drew Barrymore), remaking this should be a crime.

IN HONOR OF SPINAL TAP (please don't remake that either) LETS TURN IT UP TO 11!!

11. Casablanca
Do I even need to write anything? It's friggin Casablanca!! It's friggin Humphrey friggin Bogart! It's an allegory for WWII, remake it as the same movie would be suicide and to re-envision it is like wearing a sign that says "I'M A HUGE DOUCHE BAG"

So lay off these movies Hollywood! (also don't remake Gone With The Wind, Deer Hunter, The Sixth Sense, Heathers, Goonies, Demolition Man, The Evil Dead Franchise, Videodrome or Rocky!)

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