Tuesday, August 14, 2007

BIONIC WOMAN SPOILER FEST!!

Boy blogging's hard. Apparently I'm supposed to update this daily, who knew? Anyway AnnaMay and I just got back from the radest freaking trip ever and I need to finish up any of the Comic Con stuff we haven't already talked about. There will be some spoiler stuff but I'll put a little SPOILER ALERT sign so you can see it. Wait a sec, if you just scanning through this right now and don't want to read any spoilers you probably aren't reading anymore. Anyway since most of this news is now weeks old, it seems like a prudent time to write this, nothing but current up-2-date news comming from Geek World!

Here we go as easily as possible.

BIONIC WOMAN PANEL

The main attraction of the Bionic Woman panel (other than the fact that the Heroes Panel was in the same room 4 hours after Bionic Woman started and people wanted seats for Heroes) was the 30 min of the pilot episode they showed. Since I have no decency I'm going to go through some plot points of the episode, so if you hate spoilers stop reading at the big spoiler sign.

So these are some spoiler scenes, if some of the dialouge is weird it's cause I don't remember it all that well, but that's not going to stop me from having fun!

SPOILERS BEGIN!!!!

-The scene opens up at Wolf Creek, a covert military installation. We see a bunch of military guys led by an Asian dude (played by Will Yun Lee, you know the japanese bad guy in Elektra?, wait you didn't see Elektra? Congratulations you might still have a soul left) walking down a hall talking about the "canidate" and there's obviously a problem, because the floor of the hall is strewn with dead bodies. The soldiers get to their destination and there's a blonde woman in a medical apron kneeling over a body with blood all over her mouth. She sees the japanese guy and says "tell me you love me" then he shoots her, but he shoots into the camera (is that even allowed on tv?). Then he says "I love ya shawty, let me po ya a drank!" (well he might of said I love you, but probably not the other stuff).

-3 years later we're in San Francisco and we meet Jamie Sommers (Michelle Ryan) and her deaf younger sister (Mae Whitman, who was in Arrested Development who will be replaced by Lucy Hale, who played Robin's sister in an episode of How I Met Your Mother) who's living with her. It seems like they don't get along and sibling troubles ensue. "You don't understand me because I'm Deaf!"/ "You don't understand me because I'm English Govna' " or something to that effect.

-We meet Jamie's boyfriend, Mark Anthros (played by Chris Bowers, who was in Rescue Me)whose some kind of Bio-Mechanic surgeon or something, he's like Bukaroo Banzai he's a surgeon, a rockstar, a ninja, or maybe just some kind of genious surgeon guy. Jamie asks Mark "Why are you with me" he says "cause your freaking hot, don't they have mirrors at that bar you work at?" actually he didn't say that, I don't remember what he said, but it should have been that.

-Jamie and Mark have dinner, and he tells her he's going away to Paris or someplace far for a few months and wants her to come, she says he's her baby daddy. Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger, just kidding, she's our main charecter dammit! I mean she is a 24-year-old Bar Tender, but! She has bionic morals! Of course he's like "lets get married hot soon to be Bionic woman". Then they're driving in the car talking about baby names and POW!!!! COOLEST CAR CRASH EVER!! The car gets t-boned by a semi and flips about 100 times and then wraps itself around a lamp post, though only Jamie is hurt. Oh and the crazy blonde chick from the first scene is doing the driving.

-Crazy blonde hangs out with crazy maybe Euro-trash bad guy, who we find out wants the Bionic Docter Boyfriend killed. OOPS!

-Mark puts the smackdown on Wolf Creek, led now by the always awesome Miguel Ferrera (Hey man he was in ROBOCOP, snorting coke off the breasts of 2 hookers, if I'm ever that cool in a movie that cool then I'm good to go, my life will pretty much be complete) and Mark tells them he's going to save her no matter what! Then Miguel does a line off a hooker and is like "Dude, you want to put $50 million worth of technology into a bar tender? are you stoned? I mean sure it will cut down the time it takes to make a Mojito substantially, but is that cool havanna beverage really worth all the money?" and while Miguel weighed the delights of a tastey beverage with $50 million wasted Mark locked himself and Jamie into the OR. OHHH!!SNAP!

-They do the surgery, then it's basically the promo scene we've all seen, she wakes up freaks about her new limbs and flings Mark acoss the room, cool effects on the bionic limbs.

-Lots of scenes of the Wolf Creek people deciding if they should go ahead with Jamie or just off her, the asian dude doesn't think it's such a good idea to keep Jaime alive, and then Mark says "This comming from the guy who played docter with the last one" (that's pretty close to the actual line), and the asian guy asked why Mark was such a playa hater, hilarity ensued (uhm... yeah that's pretty much verbatim, I think...). Before the good covert military folk can decide Mark breaks Jamie out, and by the way she is PISSED! I mean BIONIC-PISSED. She still doesn't understand she would have died without the surgery, and thinks Mark was doing his own cybernetic version of Boxing Helena (no that's horrible, it's not true, well she is mad...but I don't think she thinks he's psycho, but maybe).

-Jamie runs in the forrest from a helicopter, all of the sudden we see a cool CSI type internal zoom-in of her bionic legs, and all of the sudden she's motoring. She runs past a car with a little girl in it, the little girl tells her driving mother that she see's a woman running next to the car, the mother of course doesn't see Jamie, stop lying little girl! Clear homage to Superman 1 train scene with a young Lois Lane.

-At this point we find out psycho blonde chick is named Sara Corvis (played by the HOTTTT! Katee Sackoff who played Captain Starbuck in BattleStar Galactica, the manager of Battlestar's Starbucks, I can only assume, I mean they are everywhere!) who was the first Bionic Woman, but unlike Jamie she's from a military background.

-Jamie gets home, contimplates suicide, decides to jump across 2 buildings, good effect.

-Jamie is back working at the bar. Sara Corvis shows up and sweet talks her, Jamie can't quite remember she condemed her to Bionicism. Jamie freaks out because the microchips in her brain are starting to work and she can hear everything around her. It's a neat scene all and all and then she runs out into the dark alley and there's the staple cliche'd rapist with a knife that's in about every superheroine movie, comic and tv show EVER! But hey it's always fun to see a hot chick kick some scummy dude's ass so it's all good. She takes him down with Krav Maga (the micorchips in her brain have conditioned her for combat warfare) and his switch blade flys up in the air only to later stab into the concrete, which of course insane, but hey this is the Bionic Woman not Joe's Real Life Show About Reality (which by the way, BLOWS!).

- Jamie is talking to Mark in her apartment, suddenly there's a sniper bullet that shatters the glass. Jaimie see's it's Sara and speeds up to the the rooftop to fight her. The 2 beautiul women are standing in the pouring rain staring each other down before the epic battle of good against evil. Then they take off their jackets to reveal white t-shirts and then they do Jello shots and talk about the wild days back in college and then OWWWW!!!!! Jeez sorry AnnaMay! Maybe that last part I made up about the white t-shirts and stuff, but I'm pretty sure that's what I saw! Anyway balls out Bionic beatdown, some cool fighting and effects. Both girls have good chemistry together as advisaries and we find that both women are worthy opponents, although Sara is more Bionic then Jamie.

-The bad chick gets away, Jamie tells Miguel she knows she's all that and if he sends his goons after her she'll bust a bionic cap. An uneasy partnership is formed, yada yada the end.


END SPOILERS

So that was some of the pilot, parts are being reshot because they were recasting the younger sister (to the chagrin of the audience). I'm not sure what to say about Michelle Ryan other than she's stunning. She's really beautiful, she might be a good actress, it was kinda hard to tell, she's by no means bad, and I think that she's perfect for the role, but I still can't tell how good of an actress she is, but I don't care the show looks badass and the women are hot and that's good enough for me (That's terrible right? Worst opinions ever!). I'm not sure why they recasted the sister, AnnaMay read somewhere that the actress (who is not really deaf) was horrible at sign language, but let's just say it straight, and sorry if this sounds pervy, but they replaced her with a hotter chick. I know, how horrible that I say such a thing, oh no it's because the new girl looks more like Michelle Ryan, and she looks a little younger, more like a high schooler! BLAH BLAH, the girl is clearly "hotter" in how our youth obsessed psycho culture deems good looks, sorry but that's show buisness kids.

If your in to Battlestar Galactica Mark Sheppard (Romo Lampkin in BSG, but we at Geek World know him as a serial killing ghost in Medium and a shifty gangster in Firefly) and Aaron Douglas (Galen Tyrol from Galactica) and of course Katee Sackhoff (Kara "Starbuck" Thrace) are all in it, and the show is Executive produced by David Eick, Executive Producer of BSG.

Oh yeah one more SPOILER ALERT

-at the TV Guide pannel one of the creators said "The Bionic women will develop a very special relationship" NICE!!!! It better not be one of those silly Thelma and Louise suicide pact friendships based on hating men, sure most of us are bad, but some of us are clever radio show hosts! and some of us are radio show host sans the clever, it's all good ladies.

END SPOILER

So check it out, sorry for the people behind Bionic Women that I gave out some plot points, but the good news is I didn't get any of the dialouge right so at least that's been saved. We really liked the pilot and we'll definetly be checking it out this season, as long as there's lots of rain scenes where hot chicks who look like models kick each other, cause that's what this country is all about dammit!

--DAVE

No comments: